God, I Hate Shakespeare

Plot
After finding out Shakespeare has already written the play they were planning to perform, Nick rants to his trope about how much he hates the bard.

Lyrics (Soundtrack)
[Chorus 1: NICK (Spoken: NIGEL)] Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare That's right, I said it! (No!) I do, I hate Shakespeare (Why?) I just don't get it; How a mediocre actor From a measly little town Is suddenly the brightest jewel In England's royal crown

[Chorus 2: NICK] Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare His plays are wordy, but Oh, no, the great Shakespeare That little turd, he has no sense about the audience He makes them feel so dumb The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

[Post-Chorus 1: MALE ENSEMBLE (NICK)] How can you say that? How can you say that? (It's easy, I can say it cause it's absolutely true) Don't be a penis, the man is a genius (His genius is he's fooling all of you)

[Bridge: NIGEL (Spoken: NICK)] But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen His poetry soars like a sweet violin God's own inspiration, like lightning doth strike him And he captures my soul (Aw, jeez, you sound just like him!)

[Spoken: NIGEL] Really? Thanks!

[Chorus 3: NICK (NIGEL)] You should hate Shakespeare (Well, I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare) Well, there's your problem, you're so blinded by The Bard, who's such a pompous little man (Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?) Cause he's a hack with a knack For stealing anything he can

[Post-Chorus 2: MALE ENSEMBLE (NICK)] How can you say that? How can you say that? The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play! You wish you could pen one We wish we were in one (I just wish that he would go away)

[Spoken: NIGEL] Well, that's not gonna happen because everybody I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known!

[Chorus 4: NICK] And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare Is all that twits who Bloviate about Shakespeare And how they prattle on About his great accomplishments Well la-di-da-di-da And once they start the gushing There's no stopping them and then it's

[Chorus 5: NICK] Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Shakespeare And he walks in it's Dum-de-dum-ta-da Shakespeare He's holding court and they say "Will, you're such a genius and Your writing is divine 'A rose by any other name' Is such a clever line" And they're all "ooh" and he's all "stop" And they're all "yay" and I'm all "*retch*!" And I'm really getting sick of it And oh, oh, oh

[Chorus 6: NICK (MALE ENSEMBLE)] Oh, I hate Shakespeare (I think by now, we sort of Know you hate Shakespeare) Shmakespeare! The way he feigns humility When all he does is gloat The way he wears that silly, frilly Collar 'round his throat

[Outro: NICK (MALE ENSEMBLE)] The poster child for why No one should ever procreate Let me make a shorter list And I will give it to you straight Every little thing about Shakespeare Is what I hate (Hates, he hates) (He clearly surely, really, truly) (Hates Shakespeare)

[Spoken: NIGEL] Don't hate!

Characters

 * Nick Bottom
 * Nigel Bottom
 * The Troupe
 * Shakespeare (Mentioned)

Trivia

 * [TO BE ADDED]