A Musical

Plot Point
Thomas Nostradamus explains to Nick what a musical is.

Lyrics
[Spoken: NICK] What the hell are musicals?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] It appears to be a play where the dialog stops and the plot is conveyed through song!

[Spoken: NICK] Through song?

[Spoken: NASTRADAMUS] Yes!

[Spoken: NICK] Wait, wait, wait, so an actor is saying his lines and then out of nowhere he just starts singing?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Yes

[Spoken: NICK] Well that is the-

[Intro: NICK] Stupidest thing that I have ever heard! You're doing a play, got something to say, So you sing it? It's absurd! Who on Earth is going to sit there While an actor breaks into song? What possible thought Could the audience think Other than "This is horribly wrong?"

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Remarkably, they won't think that.

[Spoken: NICK] Seriously? Why not?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Because-

[Chorus 1: NOSTRADAMUS] It's... a... musical! A musical, And nothing's as amazing as a musical! With song and dance And sweet romance And happy endings happening By happenstance! Bright lights, stage fights, And a dazzling chorus. You wanna be great, then you gotta create A musical!

[Spoken: NICK] I don't know, I find it hard to believe people would actually pay to see something like this.

[Verse 1: NOSTRADAMUS] Let's just say it's a Saturday night And you wanna go out on the town. Got a lady to flatter who might Give it up if you don't let her down You could go see a tragedy, But that wouldn't be very fun. Or a play from Greek mythology, See a mother have sex with her son! (

[Spoken: NICK] Eeeewww!

[Verse 1: NOSTRADAMUS] You could go see a drama With all of that trauma and pain Or go see something more relaxing And less taxing on the brain.

[Chorus 2: NOSTRADAMUS] Go... see... a... musical A musical! A poppy piece releasing all your Blues-icals Where crooners croon

[ENSEMBLE] Ahh

[NOSTRADAMUS] A catchy tune And limber-legged ladies thrill you Till you swoon Ooh's, ahh's, big applause, And a standing ovation

[NOSTRADAMUS and ENSEMBLE] The future is bright if you could just write A musical

[Verse 2: NOSTRADAMUS] Some make you happy Some make you sad Some are quite big Some quite small Some are too long Some are just plays with song Some musicals have No talking at all

[Spoken: NICK] No talking at all?

[Verse 3: NOSTRADAMUS] That's right, there's no talking All of the dialog is sung in a very dramatic fashion

[Spoken: NICK] Um, really?

[NOSTRADAMUS] Yes, really!

[Spoken: NICK] There's no talk-

[NOSTRADAMUS] There's no talking And they often stay on one note for a very long time So that when they change to a different note You notice And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect But mostly you just sit there asking yourself, "Why aren't they talking?"

[Spoken: NICK] Sounds miserable.

[Nostradamus] I believe it's pronounced "Misérables"

[Spoken: NICK] And people actually like this?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] No! They love it! And what's not to love?

[Refrain: NOSTRADAMUS] It's such a delight, There's nothing quite like A musical!

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Ooh! Another vision! I haven't even told you the best part yet!

[Verse 4: NOSTRADAMUS] Feel that fascinating rhythm Move into your feet

[Spoken: NICK] Uh, what is that?

[NOSTRADAMUS] Feel your ass gyrating To that titillating beat

[Spoken: NICK] Oh, are you OK?

[NOSTRADAMUS] You slap your lap Then finger-snap That's when you know it's time to tap!

[Spoken: NICK] What the hell are you doing now?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] It's called a dance break! Apparently this happens in musicals as well. People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance!

[Spoken: NICK] Why? Does it advance the plot?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] No.

[Spoken: NICK] Advance character?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Not necessarily!

[Spoken: NICK] Then why do it?

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Because it's entertaining! 5-6-7-8!

[Dance Break]

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] Another vision!

[Verse 5: NOSTRADAMUS] It's a musical What do you talk? What do you talk? It's a musical! A Seussical? No, a musical with girls on stage

[ENSEMBLE] A musical!

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] We've got snappy repartee And the women are risqué And the chorus boys are kinda gay

[ENSEMBLE] A musical

[NOSTRADAMUS] A true, blue, new Musical

[Verse 6: NOSTRADAMUS] Stand back! It's a musical! Some musicals are very serious A big, glittering

[ENSEMBLE] Musical, a musical It's a mu-si-cal for us

[NOSTRADAMUS] A big and shiny, mighty fine-y Glitter, glitz, and chorus line-y Bob your head and shake your heiney Musical!

[Verse 7: NOSTRADAMUS] It's a musical

[ENSEMBLE] It's a musical

[NOSTRADAMUS] It is a musical

[ENSEMBLE] It's a musical

[Spoken: NICK] Yes! I get it now!

[Chorus 3: NICK] We'll... do... a... musical!

[Spoken: NOSTRADAMUS] No kidding!

[NICK] A musical What could be more amazing than A musical? With song and dance And sweet romance And with a musical we might have Half a chance

[NICK and NOSTRADAMUS] Ooh's, ahh's, big applause With everyone cheering for us

[Verse 8: NOSTRADAMUS] And for some unexplainable reason The crowd goes wild every time When dancers kick in unison In one big wonderful line

[Chorus 4: ALL] And then you got yourself a musical A musical A la-la-la-la-la-la-la Palooz-ical With flashy style And a big, fake smile A snazzy band, some jazzy hands I swear that I'll Cross my heart, hope to die If it isn't a doozy

[Outro: NOSTRADAMUS] Take it from me They'll be flocking to see

[ALL] Your star-lit Won't quit Big hit Musical A big hit musical

Characters

 * Nick Bottom
 * Thomas Nostradamus

Trivia

 * There are several references to different musicals in this song.
 * When Nostradamus sings the first "It's a musical", the melody is similar to one from the song "Wonderful", from Wicked.
 * The phrase "out on the town" may be a reference to On the town.
 * "Some are quite big" references Avenue Q.
 * "Some musicals have no talking at all", and the lyrics after it, mainly references Les Miserablés, although many other musicals have no dialogue outside of songs.
 * "Fascinating rhythm" is a song from Lady, Be Good.
 * Counting "5-6-7-8" is a way of starting dances. It may also be a reference to "I Hope I Get It" from A Chorus Line.
 * "It's a musical What do you talk? What do you talk? It's a musical!" references "Rock Island" from The Music Man.
 * Seussical is a musical based on the works of Dr Seuss.
 * "We've got snappy repartee/And the women are risqué/And the chorus boys are kinda gay" references "There Is Nothing Like A Dame" from South Pacific.
 * The line "A true, blue, new musical" is backed by the tune of "All of that Jazz" from Chicago.
 * "Stand Back! It's a musical!" references "Buenos Aires" from Evita.


 * The Greek play referenced by Nostradamus is Oedipus Rex, a tragedy that ends with the title character dying from suicide after he finds out he has married his mother.